When a Child’s World Changes: Supporting Young Hearts Through Grief and Loss
- Cary M Hamilton
- Aug 31
- 5 min read
Grief doesn’t wait for children to be “old enough” to understand it. Whether facing the loss of a loved one, navigating their parents’ divorce, or experiencing other significant changes, children and teenagers process grief in their own unique ways. At Olympia Therapy, we believe that with the proper support and understanding, young people can develop resilience and healthy coping strategies that will serve them throughout their lives.

Understanding Grief in Young Hearts
Children experience grief differently from adults, and their understanding evolves with their developmental stage. A five-year-old may repeatedly ask when grandpa is coming back, while a teenager might withdraw completely or express anger in unexpected ways. Both responses are typical and valid expressions of grief.
What many parents don’t realize is that children often grieve in “doses” – they may seem fine one moment and overwhelmed the next. This isn’t an inconsistency; it’s their natural way of protecting themselves from emotions that feel too big to handle all at once.
The Many Faces of Loss
While we often think of grief in terms of death, children experience loss in many forms:
- Death of a family member, friend, or beloved pet
- Divorce or separation of parents
- Moving away from familiar surroundings
- Loss of friendships or significant relationships
- Changes in family structure or living situations
- Serious illness (their own or a loved one’s)
Each type of loss carries its own complexity and deserves recognition and support.
What Grief Looks Like in Children and Teens
In Younger Children (Ages 3-7):
- Regression to earlier behaviors (bedwetting, thumb-sucking)
- Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
- Changes in eating patterns
- Clinginess or separation anxiety
- Repetitive questions about the loss
- Physical complaints without a medical cause
- Play may be chaotic, rough, repetitive
In School-Age Children (Ages 8-12):
- Difficulty concentrating in school
- Withdrawal from friends and activities
- Anger or irritability
- Guilt or self-blame
- Physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches
- Fear about their own safety or that of remaining family members
- Play and artwork may be dark, repetitive, negative, and use negative self-talk
In Teenagers (Ages 13-18):
- Risk-taking behaviors- things they may never have done previously
- Academic decline, school refusal/avoidance
- Social isolation or dramatic changes in friend groups
- Sleep disturbances- too much/too little
- Emotional numbness or intense mood swings
- Questions about meaning, purpose, and mortality
- Negative self-talk, increased hopelessness, emotional outbursts

Creating Safety in the Storm
The most important gift we can give a grieving child is a sense of safety and stability. This doesn’t mean having all the answers – it means being a consistent, caring presence in their lives.
Be Honest and Age-Appropriate
Children deserve truth, delivered in ways they can understand. Avoid euphemisms like “went to sleep forever” or “lost” when discussing death, as these can create confusion and additional fears. Instead, use clear, gentle language: “Grandma’s body stopped working and she died.”
Maintain Routines
When a child’s world feels unpredictable, familiar routines provide comfort and security. Keep regular meal times, bedtimes, and family traditions whenever possible. These predictable elements help children feel grounded when everything else feels uncertain.
Welcome All Feelings
Let children know that all their feelings – sadness, anger, confusion, even relief – are acceptable. Avoid rushing to “fix” their emotions or encouraging them to “be strong.” Instead, offer presence and validation: “It makes sense that you feel angry about this.”
The Power of Creative Expression
Children often express their grief through play, art, and storytelling rather than words. A child might repeatedly crash toy cars, draw pictures of their family, or create elaborate fantasy games. These activities aren’t concerning – they’re healthy ways of processing complex emotions.
Encourage creative expression by providing:
- Art supplies for drawing, painting, or sculpting
- Journals for writing or drawing
- Music for listening or creating
- Play time with various toys and materials
- Movement and physical activity
- Get outside, go for walks, make nature mandalas, encourage big body movements
When to Seek Professional Support
While grief is a natural response to loss, sometimes children need additional support to navigate their healing journey. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional if:
- Grief symptoms persist or worsen after several months
- Your child expresses thoughts of self-harm or wanting to die
- There are significant changes in eating, sleeping, or school performance
- Your child becomes completely withdrawn or shows extreme behavioral changes
- You notice a regression that doesn’t improve over time
- Family dynamics become consistently conflicted or strained
- You are unsure what to say or how to say it. Professionals are here to help
Supporting Families Through the Journey
Grief affects entire family systems, not just individuals. Parents and caregivers often feel overwhelmed by their own grief while trying to support their children. This is where professional support becomes invaluable.
At Olympia Therapy, our approach to supporting grieving families includes:
Individual Therapy for Children and Teens
Using developmentally appropriate therapeutic techniques, including play therapy, art therapy, and cognitive-behavioral approaches, to help young people process their experiences and develop coping skills.
Family Therapy
Creating space for families to communicate openly about their grief, develop healthy ways of supporting each other, and rebuild their sense of connection and stability.
Parent Guidance
Providing parents and caregivers with tools, strategies, and support to help them navigate their own grief while being present for their children.
Group Support
Connecting families with others who understand their experience, reducing isolation, and providing peer support.

Building Resilience for the Future
The goal isn’t to “get over” grief or return to how things were before. Instead, we work with children and families to integrate their loss into their life story in meaningful ways. This process helps build resilience, emotional intelligence, and the capacity to face future challenges with greater strength.
Children who receive appropriate support through grief often develop:
- Enhanced empathy and compassion
- Stronger communication skills
- Better emotional regulation
- Deeper appreciation for relationships
- Increased resilience in facing life’s challenges
- Have healthier brain integration and development
Hope in the Healing
Grief is not something to be conquered or overcome – it’s a natural response to love and loss that deserves respect and support. With compassionate guidance, children and teenagers can learn to carry their grief in ways that honor their relationships while allowing them to grow and thrive.
If your family is navigating grief or loss, please know that you don’t have to walk this path alone. The therapists at Olympia Therapy are here to provide the support, guidance, and hope you need during this difficult time.
Remember: seeking help is not a sign of weakness – it’s an act of love and courage that can make all the difference in your child’s healing journey.

LMHCS, RPTS™, NCC, CMHS, RSTC/T, CDWF
If you’re concerned about a child or teenager in your life who may be struggling with grief, we encourage you to reach out. Contact Olympia Therapy today to learn more about our specialized grief and trauma services for children, teens, and families.
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