School’s in Session, and so are the Funky Attitudes!

by Katrina Swenson LMHCS

It’s September, and many parents are breathing a collective sigh of relief as their children are back in school and families settle back into a school routine.  It feels good, right?  Then why are these kids so cranky? If your child has appeared exhausted, irritable, argumentative, anxious, rude, or otherwise not themselves since school started, you’re in good company.  Challenging or unusual after-school behavior is a common phenomenon in the first weeks of school.

But why?

Whether your child has just started kindergarten or is driving themselves to their first day of senior year, they are experiencing a dramatic transition from summer into fall. 

Summer often offers decreased cognitive, social, emotional, executive functioning, sensory, and physical demands. School, on the other hand, offers nearly constant demands in all these domains, in every moment of every day: Learning routines; starting academic work; directing attention and focus; managing social demands; managing frustration, nerves, excitement, etc.; moving around different areas of the school and/or playing hard at recess, experiencing increased noise and other sensory stimulation; trying to follow expectations and stay out of trouble…the list goes on!  

Moving from summer play and relaxation to an onslaught of nearly constant demands is hard work and uses a great deal of cognitive, emotional, and physical resources.  By the time students get home, they have often overdrafted those resources and are running in the red.  If your student is snapping at you or melting down when asked to do homework or chores, or if they are falling asleep on the couch five minutes after they come home, or they seem more anxious, seem to have regressed, or are clingy or need extra attention, then they are right on track with normal responses to an exhausting transition!  

So what do we as parents do about it?

This is tough, right?  Of course we don’t want to allow our kids to treat us, others, or themselves badly.  And if they have chores or other responsibilities, of course it is important to maintain those.  At the same time, flexibility and understanding is also helpful when supporting and setting boundaries around our children’s behavior.  We can practice teaching respect and responsibility alongside teaching self-care and learning to meet our own needs.  

Plan expectations accordingly.

One thing that can be helpful is to have reasonable expectations in the first weeks of school.  Perhaps the chore schedule is proactively altered for a few weeks, or chores or homework can be done later in the day or on weekends.  When possible, you may consider avoiding scheduling additional activities outside of school for the first few weeks as students adjust to being back in school.

Sleep, sleep, and more sleep!

If your child is trying to take a nap, they probably need it!  Likewise, if their behavior has changed since school started, extra sleep won’t hurt regardless of whether they seem sleepy.  You know your child best, so if an afternoon nap means they won’t get to sleep tonight, consider an early bedtime.  Sleep is when our bodies do our best repair and is necessary for committing all that learning into long-term memory, improving cognitive and executive functioning, and strengthening neural connections. Sufficient sleep will give your child better resources for managing the demands of the school day.  

Let them rest and play.  

If you’ve ever been dying to get home from work so that you can do something fun for you, you know the value of rest and play to a tired mind and body. Play positively impacts brain function, reduces stress, and supports resilience.  All humans need play, and it can be especially useful when going through a stressful transition.  

Provide extra attention.

If your child is more clingy, asking you to play with them more, making extra bids for connection such as texting memes or items they are interested in, or otherwise seeming to need more parent interaction, they probably need it! Plan one-on-one time with your child when you can.  Even five to ten minutes of quality, attuned interaction time each day can help.  Play a board game, go for a walk, toss a ball around, do a craft together, read a story, snuggle…the options are limitless!

Be patient.

Parenting during cranky, irritable, tired, or downright rude seasons is hard work, and let’s face it–parents are tired, too!  Making sure that we have the sleep, rest, and support we need is important, too, so that we don’t overdraft our own resources.  Also, remembering that our children’s behavior is a normal and temporary reaction to stress and adjustment can help.  Most children and teens will adjust after a few weeks into the school year, and their behavior is likely to adjust as well.   

If you need help, reach out!  If your child continues to struggle well into the school year or you are concerned their reaction is outside of what is expected, don’t hesitate to reach out for help!